Life served hot…. Part 5…

The Sun and the Signs… 

Rayan….

Some months passed, our bond of friendship grew stronger with each passing day, each passing message and each call that we made to each other, I knew all along what I felt for Aashi, but she needed a friend right now, a shoulder to cry on, a person to rely on, someone she could trust.

Aashi told me about Rehan, how he broke her heart, broke the relationship and didn’t even bother to call or answer her calls, its said that, “Love me, hate me but don’t ignore me”, and rightly so, because ignorance can do a lot more damage than outright hate and I was witnessing this first hand. I saw Aashi endlessly waiting for his calls, incessantly calling a number that he had long since changed, I saw the girl who could put life into a dead flower, wither away in front of my eyes, I felt I had to do something, I couldn’t watch her throw away her life like this, so I got her some books and made her get her hobby of reading back as a form of distraction.

So among the many books that I made her read, one was Sun Signs by Linda Goodsman, it was a wonderful book dealing with the traits of people born under different zodiacs…..

“ It say here that a virgo girl would be most compatible with you”, said Aashi one day when we were siting watching the sunset in Bandstand, I am a taurian and Aashi is an aquarian.

“What do they say about my compatibility with Aquarians? “, I asked her.

“It says Aquarians and Taurians are not at all compatible, so stop flirting with me and listen what it says here” she said.

I, feigning disinterest say, “I don’t believe in sun signs then. “

“ I think Meenu (one of my very old friends) , will be perfect for you, she being a virgo and a Bengali, you two would be absolutely compatible with each other “ she said,

Those words cut through me like a blade.

“You know na, that it is necessary to be in love with someone to be in a relationship”, I retorted stung….

And then she smiled that beautiful smile of hers, which made me forget what I was thinking about and I gazed at her dumbfounded.

                At that instant of time, I told myself, this is the moment, this is the girl , no one else in the world can make me feel, how I feel right now, so gathering all my courage, amid the glorious sunset and the cool breeze hitting my face , I looked into those deep blue eyes of hers and before I could say those three magical words, she looked at me and as if reading my mind said,

“I know”

Two words that meant so much to me and yet so little because she continued….

“I have been through a lot Rayan, I cannot relive that again, there can never be anything between us more than friendship, I cannot fall in love again, that part of me has been completely and irrevocably destroyed, I will never get into a relationship again, I will get married to whosoever my father choses.”

                On hearing those words I felt like the earth shattering around me, girls like Aashi are extremely rare, and falling in love with them is even rarer, I never thought I would be that lucky so at that moment it felt like it was the end for us……

But as Linda Goodsman said,

‘ A Taurian never gives up…… ‘ neither did I .

To be continued….

Life served hot…….Part 4

The Morning After….

I woke up with a start, I looked at the watch, it was 5 am. I had had a bad dream. Good ones never came these days. I tried to recall what I saw, but all I could remember were blurred images of Rehan merged with Rayan. It seemed odd that Rayan was part of my dreams and then it hit me, like a bolt from the blue, the phone call.

I checked my mobile to make sure it wasn’t part of the dream, that maybe I had just imagined it and that Rayan hadn’t actually called !

“Yup, definitely received at 12 am”, I just couldn’t get my mind around the question, why did he actually call? That too after 6 long years .

I thought about the day ahead, another long day, another day with the hope of Rehan calling with the hope of him seeing sense, another day where I had to pretend that everything is alright, and today was worse, I was supposed to be attending a get together with my old college friends.

“Why did I ever agree to that”.

“I would have to answer loads of questions about myself.”

“AAAAAAhhhhhhh”.

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“Hii Chetan, how are you?”

“I am fine Aashi, My God you look beautiful, how have you been ?”

Chetan was one of my good friends from Royal, he had come to pick me up from home. We were to meet everyone at the venue directly.

We had come to ‘Daras’. It was a beautiful place on the outskirts of the city with the theme of a ‘dhaba’ where you were supposed to sit on cots rather than chairs and eat. However the ambience was good.

As I entered I saw Rayan and Rudra and a bunch of other guys and girls. In my messed up state I had totally forgotten how close Rayan and Chetan were, and that he would definitely have been invited. I mentally cursed myself.

I met and greeted everyone flashing different degrees of my smile, For a moment I did feel that I could be normal. Rayan had held back during this time, he seemed extremely embarrassed. Last nights phone call was surely on his mind. I contemplated whether I should act angry with him, but then I thought it might have genuinely been a mistake and he had apologized, so I walked up to him.

“Hii”

“Hello”, he said

“Listen, I am really very sorry about the call, it was “

“Its okay, no problem”, I cut him short.

And then we started chit chatting, we spoke for a long time, I really don’t remember what we were speaking about, but I remember thinking how talkative he was, he spoke with a kind of freeness and honesty that’s very rare these days. I certainly didn’t remember him to be so talkative, being so talkative myself.

For the first time in months I found myself relaxing, rather enjoying my time, everyone seemed so happy …… so free. Everyone spoke about how they spend the years after leaving Royal, some had done engineering, while others did their graduation, some were now staying outside Mumbai, some had come back while many wanted to leave the country. The conversation was an eye opener of sorts for me. I began to look at life from a different perspective.

I was amazed at the genuine laughter that emancipated from each one of them, jokes were flying thick and fast. I realized some of them could eat twice as much as me. Rayan seemed to give me extra attention, it was a long time since something like that had happened, I lked it and immediately felt guilty.

Chetan, Ninaad, Rudra, Rayan all came to drop me home. It had been a wonderful day, I was more happy than I was willing to admit. Yes, a part of me seemed guilty but that part seemed pretty small at the moment. And then I got a text,

“Had a lovely time, thanks for coming – Rayan.”

I smiled at the simplicity of the message,

and thus began a continuous saga of texts and messages. I didn’t really know at that time what it could lead to. Had I known ……….

Life Served hot .... Part 3

Part 3 …. Struck by Lightning

It was the first day of Royal College, I remember this day as if it happened yesterday. I was with my gang of school friends, all of us had shifted a gear from to school to college together, so we went around doing what we did best, ogling at girls.

“Hey Rayan, check out the girl in pink, she looks hot.” said Rudra.

I looked around for the source of my friends interest and that was the first time I saw her.

A beautiful white salwar kameez, no make-up whatsoever, just kohl lined her beautiful big eyes and her smile!!! I hadn’t seen someone who had a smile like hers before. Her entire face seemed to glow. It was as if all the darkness in the world just faded away. I was mesmerized.

There comes a time, but once, in a man’s life when you realize everything around you just vanishes, time seizes to exist, that was the moment in my life. That was the moment I was struck by lightning.

Very few people are fortunate enough to experience this, but those who have will tell you, at that time your senses stop working.

My brain told my eyes, “stop staring, you fool”,

But my eyes weren’t in my control any more. I stared at her with my mouth agape as if she was the only reason I existed. I stared at her till she walked into my class. Yes, she had walked into my class, my happiness knew no bounds.

“What is wrong with you?” asked Rudra seeing me smiling like an idiot.

“Nothing “, I lied. My heart was doing somersaults, I wanted to talk to her, I knew I had to talk to her, know her name, know her family, know her friends……

Her name was Aashi, quite simply a beautiful name, her nature and simplicity touched a chord in me, I knew this was the girl.

We started talking, we became friends, the more I spoke to her, the more I liked her. Those first few months when you get to know the girl of your dreams are the best. Those were most definitely the best days of my life…….

But as we know,

      In life good things rarely last,

      She was destined to be my past,

      A hand was played by fate,

      And then came our expiry date.

We both were at an impasse, life beckoned us, I had a career to build, roam the world, see places, 

She had to fulfill her dreams, her parents dreams and achieve excellence.

Our paths may have connected in college but our destinations were very much apart. We decided to be friends but deep in my heart I knew ‘it was the end of the most beautiful chapter in my life’

Or so I thought……..

to be continued.

Life.........served hot

A call that changed the life of 2 people forever.........


Part 1…… Rayan

“What will happen if I jump?”, said i

“wtf, come down immediately, u fool.” said Rudra.

        I was standing on top of a water tank at midnight with a bottle of kingfisher in my hand and wondering how did life get so messed up? How did everything go so horribly wrong? Standing there, looking down 7 floors, I had a smile etched on my face, a smile that said “I am sick of crying, tired of trying, yes I m smiling but inside I m dying.”

        I decided to walk down from there, it made sense, I thought about my dad, I thought about how much I had hurt him, I thought about my dreams, how they lay shattered, I thought about her…. That in itself was enough to slice through my insides. I looked at my friends, they had one solution for every problem (it always worked though…) “lets get drunk!!!!!” so I gulped my beer in one swift motion and in that moment of enlightenment (or madness)…..

I picked up my mobile and dialed the first no. on my contact list, determined to tell a girl, any girl “I love u”, just to prove to someone that I can.

I dial, the phone rings, I hear it for some time, reality comes crashing back at me, “what the hell am I doing?”

I am about to the cut the call when I hear a sweet but hoarse voice on the other side

“hello, who’s this?”

I look at my watch, shit its midnight, she must b sleeping, what a fool I m.

“hello” she says again, this time I hear a hint of longing in her voice or maybe its anger , I don’t really know, it’s pretty late.

“hi, ………aa………hello”,

“sorry……….a…..how r u ? “, I stutter as words fail me when I need them the most.

“who is this?”, she says definitely anger in her tone.

“I m Rayan, we were together in college.”

I am still struggling, but this time I think, she’s lost for words too, or maybe she’s just too shocked, I had called her after 6 long years.

“hi, what is the matter ?, how come you have called so late ?

I am crazy, I think would be appropriate here, but I manage to say,

“Nothing………a  ……..your… no. got dialed by mistake, I am sorry, goodnight.”

“goodnight” she says after some time, and this time I definitely hear disappointment, I cut the call and start reminiscing my Royal College days. The first day is imbued in my memory, as honey is imbued in flowers…..

Part 2 …… Aashi

“Why hasn’t he called?” I ask my sister.

Even though my sister is a couple of years younger to me, she is my pillar of strength. I really don’t know what I would have done without her during this time. Thoughts of him keep flooding through my mind.

Its been more than a month, I haven’t spoken to him, the last time he called, he said that something bad might happen if we ended it up together, he’s so caring sometimes, but he did say he’ll call after ramzan ends, I really don’t understand their customs, its been 2 days since ramzan ended, when I called him up a couple of days ago, he said he needs more time (2 days is definitely more time……)

There I go again, tears start rolling down my cheek, I wipe it in haste so that Aarohi doesn’t see it,

“Your crying again??” she has the eyes of a hawk!!!

“Why do you do it? He is not worth it”, she continues…

Her concern is not misplaced but what about the moments I had with Rehaan. Were they all just fake? No, I convince myself.

He’s one of the nicest people on the planet. I clearly remember his last words….

“My cousin brother got married to a hindu girl, against the wishes of the entire famly, a couple of months later, she got into an accident……. I love u way too much to even imagine something like that for you. It’s better we stop seeing each other now itself.”

With those words still ringing in my ears, I hear my phone beeping.

I jump like a teenager, butterflies in my stomach, he’s called, I m elated, maybe he’s seen sense, we can be together forever……..

I look at the screen……. Unknown no.

It’s a bit odd

“Hello, Who’s this?” I say, my voice sounding hoarse with all the crying, I don’t want him to know that I have been crying.

There isn’t a reply, I feel angry, if he has called, why won’t he talk to me,

“Hello?”, I say again, trying but failing to hide my longing to hear his voice,

“Hi……..aa…….hello”, this isn’t him, I have not heard this voice before, I am pissed, wrong no., what a time for wrong nos. I curse my luck.

“Sorry…….a……..how r u?” who is this, some friend of his, why would some friend of his call me at 12:00am.

“Who is this?” I ask, a fit of anger engulfing me.

“Hi, I am Rayan. We were together in college” he says.

I remember him now, why would he call at this hour, I am seething with anger, I want to remove all my frustration on him, I control myself, calm down to some extent.

“Hi, what is the matter, how come you have called so late?”

“Sorry …….a……….your….no. got dialed by mistake. I am sorry ….. goodnight.”

“Goodnight”

I manage to say after some time knowing fully well I am not getting any sleep, the disappointment seeps into my voice, disappointment for a future that was never mine ………..

The demons in my mind raise their ugly heads again and I begin my loosing battle with them.       

The city that never sleeps……………So neither did I

I looked ahead at the never ending ocean, with tiny drops of rain failing into the water, the view was breathtaking, the moment magical, I was sitting there on marine drive at 2 in the wee hours of the morning with 3 of my best buddies, and reminiscing on the fact that No matter where I go, or how far I travel, Mumbai will always be special. People call it many names, The land of dreams, The land of hope, The land of bollywood, I simply call it Home.

I have been a part of it for 18 wonderful years of my life however the last 2 months have been legend – wait for it – LEGENDARY. You know it is said the true essence of a city is determined by the crowd of that city, and roaming the streets and nightclubs for the last 2 months, I can be absolutely certain of one thing , that the Mumbai Nightlife must be witnessed at least once in a lifetime.

Yes, there is the High Lounge, and there is the Hawaiin Shack, and the Rock Bottom but there is also Bandstand, there is the Worli Sea Face , Café Leopold, and then there is “The Fountain” . I remember going there every night at 3 am (or you can call it morning) with adi and sitting there and talking about our dreams, our future and about anything and everything that came to mind , Those were the days……. I don’t do that anymore however , I am still spending every night with my friends at my own apartment , outdoors have turned indoors with us staying up all night and having an awesome time, these crazy nights can never be replaced.

So among all this I have realized one thing ………….

Those days have past

And these days may never last,

Memories are the only things that remain,

You can either cherish them or let them drain,

After every night there has to be a dawn,

Life moves on………….  

So even though my life will move on, and those days may never come back I want to dedicate this blog to all my friends who have always been there through thick and thin

Aditya Gokula (an enigma), Kushal Sonigara (the brother I never had), Arun Nair (reader of my thoughts), Amey Godambe (the coolest person I know), Amey Khamkar (simply awesome), Amogh Joshi (miss u buddy), Olypriya Bishwas (the sweetest person ever) and of course Ashwini Rao (my inspiration without whom I wouldn’t have picked up the pen )

Thank u,

Pronoy Ghosh.

 

success???

                                             What do you mean by becoming successful? Does it mean earning a lot of money, does it mean to be famous or does it mean to be able to be happy and content with your life ?? Many spiritual guru's might say being happy is more important than earning loads of money but I would like to ask them one simple question, can you be happy if you have to live on the streets and worry how my next meal will come, NO right. So after giving it a lot of thought I feel it is much better to cry in a BMW than in a bicycle.
                                              Coming back to success, yes I am sure a  successful person may be brilliant, like a Mark Zuckerberg is in computers or a J.K. Rowling is in storytelling, but ultimately the point in contention here is, would they be deemed as succesful had they not become billionaires?? So this further reiterates my point that even though happiness, contentment, fulfillness are good to hear and preach however the main aim in today's hard hitting, cut throat competitive world is to become RICH !!!